In Matthew 10:37, Jesus makes one of His most challenging statements: “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” His words cut against everything our family-centric culture holds dear. They seem to contradict our natural instincts and even appear to challenge other Bible texts that command us to honour parents and love our children.

Yet, hidden within this radical demand lies a transformative truth: loving Jesus above all doesn’t diminish our family bonds—it actually enriches them. When we love Jesus supremely, we gain access to His kind of love—the self-emptying, sacrificial agape love that transcends mere natural affection. This love that drove Him to the cross, enables us to forgive the unforgivable, and transforms our family relationships from mere human bonds into vessels of divine love. Join us as we explore how putting Jesus first doesn’t just reorder our priorities—it revolutionises our very capacity to love…

Love Jesus More Than Family: What This Command Doesn’t Mean

Before exploring what Jesus does mean, let’s clear up some misconceptions. This teaching isn’t:

• A justification for neglecting family responsibilities
• Permission to dishonour parents or neglect children
• A call to emotional detachment from family members
• An excuse for spiritual abuse or manipulation

In fact, Scripture clearly commands us to care for our families. Paul writes that “anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8). Jesus Himself rebuked the Pharisees for using religious devotion as an excuse to neglect caring for their parents (Mark 7:9-13).

Understanding Jesus’s Radical Demand

To grasp the full weight of Jesus’s words, we must understand their historical context. In first-century Jewish culture, family loyalty was paramount. The family unit was not just bound by emotional ties—it was the foundation of society, economy, and religious life. By declaring He must be loved above family, Jesus wasn’t merely suggesting a slight reordering of priorities. He was making an extraordinary claim about His own identity and authority.

The Greek language reveals a profound depth to Jesus’s demand. While the word used for “love” in Matthew 10:37 is φιλέω (phileo), referring to deep, emotional attachment and devotion, Jesus’s own demonstration of love was ἀγάπη (agape)—the self-emptying, sacrificial love uniquely revealed in Scripture. Through His life and ultimately His death on the cross, Jesus showed us that true love transcends natural affection and emotional bonds.

This distinction is crucial. When we love Jesus first, not only does He deepen our capacity for phileo (natural family affection), but He also enables us to love with agape—the sacrificial love that “lays down one’s life” for others (1 John 3:16). This is the love that powered early Christians to forgive their persecutors, that enabled martyrs to bless their executioners, and that can transform our family relationships today.

By loving Jesus supremely, we gain access to a love that’s not naturally possible—a love that:

• Serves without expecting return
• Forgives the unforgivable
• Remains steadfast through rejection
• Seeks the eternal good of others above their temporal happiness
• Reflects God’s own character rather than mere human affection

This is why Jesus’s demand isn’t just about hierarchy—it’s about transformation. When we love Him above all, He doesn’t just reorder our loves; He revolutionizes our very capacity to love.

Love Jesus More Than Family: What Christ Actually Demands

What Jesus requires is absolute lordship. He must be the highest authority in our lives, the ultimate object of our devotion, and the final arbiter of our decisions. This means:

• When family wishes conflict with clear biblical commands, we choose obedience to Christ
• Our identity in Christ supersedes our family identity
• We make decisions based on Kingdom priorities, not just family preferences
• We’re willing to face family opposition for the sake of following Jesus

The Divine Paradox: How Loving Jesus More Helps Us Love Family Better

Here’s the beautiful paradox: when we love Jesus above all, we become better equipped to love our families with genuine, sacrificial love. Here’s why:

• Our Love Is Purified: When Christ is our first love, our family relationships are freed from unhealthy pressure to fulfil our deepest needs. We no longer look to spouse, children, or parents to be our ultimate source of security, identity, or purpose. This liberation allows us to love them more purely, without the distortion of idolatrous expectations.
• We Learn True Love: Jesus demonstrates perfect love—sacrificial, unconditional, and wise. As we grow in loving Him, we learn to love others with this same divine quality. His love flowing through us is infinitely superior to our natural affections.
• We Gain Divine Wisdom: Loving Christ first means seeking His wisdom in family matters. Instead of relying solely on cultural norms or personal preferences, we gain access to divine insight for family relationships.
• Our Love Becomes More Stable: When our primary loyalty is to Christ, our love for family isn’t dependent on their behaviour or response. We can maintain steady love even in difficult relationships because our source of strength comes from above.

Consider Joseph in the Old Testament. His ultimate loyalty to God enabled him to forgive and provide for the very family members who had betrayed him. His story beautifully illustrates how loving God first empowers us to love family members in ways that would otherwise be impossible.

Love Jesus More Than Family: The Practical Outworking

Living out this priority takes wisdom and grace. It means:

• Making decisions based on biblical principles, even when family members disagree
• Maintaining respectful relationships while standing firm in faith
• Demonstrating Christ’s love especially during disagreements
• Finding ways to honour family without compromising faith
• Leading by example rather than coercion

Conclusion

Jesus’s command to love Him above family isn’t about loving family less—it’s about loving them better through loving Him most. When we get this order right, something beautiful happens: our family relationships are enhanced by the very act of subordinating them to Christ.

This truth echoes through Scripture and history: those who have loved Christ most have often been equipped to demonstrate the most remarkable love for family. From Augustine’s devotion to his mother Monica, to John Newton’s transformation as a husband, to countless modern testimonies, we see that loving Jesus first doesn’t diminish family love—it elevates it to heights human love alone could never reach.

The challenge remains radical, but the promise is sure: when we love Jesus more than family, we paradoxically become better equipped to love our families as He intended all along.

*”He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.”—Jim Elliot*

 

Love Jesus More Than Family—Related FAQs

How does loving Jesus more help me love my family better? When you put Jesus first, you learn perfect love from its source and stop expecting your family to fulfil needs only God can meet. Your love becomes more stable because it’s anchored in Christ, not dependent on your family’s response or behaviour. You gain access to divine wisdom for handling family matters, helping you make decisions from eternal perspective rather than just temporal comfort. As you draw from God’s endless patience and grace, you’re able to model better love—to be more patient, forgiving, and selfless. Your deep relationship with Christ helps you recognise and break negative generational patterns, choosing grace over reaction and forgiveness over bitterness. Since you’re drawing from the well of God’s love rather than your own limited resources, you can also love consistently even in difficult seasons. Most importantly, loving Jesus first gives you eternal perspective—helping you focus on what truly matters for your family’s spiritual well-being rather than just their temporal happiness.

• How do I know if I’ve made family an idol? Family has likely become an idol when your decisions consistently prioritise family preferences over clear biblical commands or when you find yourself compromising your faith to keep family peace. Watch for signs like being unable to say “no” to family demands that conflict with your spiritual commitments, or feeling your entire emotional well-being depends on family approval. Remember idolatry isn’t just about loving something evil—it’s also about loving something good (like family) more than Christ.
• What if my family accuses me of being “too religious” or “extreme”? First, prayerfully examine if there’s any truth to their concern—as sometimes our zeal can manifest in unhealthy ways. However, if you’re simply living out biblical faith while maintaining love and respect for family, their discomfort might stem from conviction or cultural differences. Respond with gentle firmness, demonstrating through your actions that your faith makes you more loving and responsible, not less.
• How can I lead my family spiritually without becoming self-righteous? Focus on living the gospel authentically rather than preaching it constantly—your transformed life is your most powerful testimony. Pray for your family regularly and look for organic opportunities to share your faith when they express interest or ask questions. Remember spiritual leadership is primarily about serving and demonstrating Christ’s love rather than exercising authority.

What does a Christ-centred family actually look like in practice? A Christ-centred family bases decisions on biblical principles rather than cultural expectations or personal preferences. Family members understand their relationships with each other flow from their relationship with Christ, leading to deeper forgiveness, more selfless love, and greater emotional security. Daily life includes regular prayer, Bible study, and spiritual conversations, but these arise naturally rather than being forced.

• What practical steps can I take to reorder my family-faith priorities? Begin by establishing non-negotiable spiritual practices like daily prayer and Bible study, even if family members don’t understand. Create clear boundaries around church involvement and spiritual commitments while maintaining flexibility in less essential areas. Communicate these changes lovingly to your family, explaining that your deepening faith will ultimately benefit them too.
• How do I handle major family events that conflict with my faith convictions? Approach each situation with prayer and wisdom, distinguishing between matters of clear biblical principle and personal preference. When possible, look for creative alternatives that allow you to honour both God and family—for instance, attending a ceremony but not participating in aspects that compromise your faith. Always communicate your decisions with gentleness and respect, explaining your reasoning when appropriate.
• How can I find support when my family doesn’t understand my faith commitment? Build strong connections within your church community, particularly with mature believers who can offer wisdom from their own experiences. Consider finding a spiritual mentor who can guide you through challenging family situations while helping you maintain perspective. Remember that Jesus promised a spiritual family to those who follow Him (Mark 10:29-30), so don’t hesitate to lean on your church family for support and encouragement.

*”For those whom He foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, in order that He might be the firstborn among many brothers.”—Romans 8:29*

 

Love Jesus More Than Family—Our Related  Posts:

• When God Commands the Impossible: A Guide To Loving Our Enemies
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• The Cost of Discipleship: Lessons from Luke 14
• Discipleship: What Does it Mean to Deny Ourselves and Take Up Our Cross Daily?
• What Does It Mean to be Baptised in the Holy Spirit?