^Imagine this scenario: A patient arrives at your medical practice with alarming symptoms. Your examination reveals a serious, potentially life-threatening condition requiring immediate treatment. But when you begin explaining your diagnosis, the patient stops you. “Actually, I need you to sign this form stating I’m in perfect health. I have an important event coming up, and I can’t deal with being sick right now.”

As physicians committed to our patients’ wellbeing, what do we do? Do we sign the form, knowing it contains a falsehood that could endanger our patient? Or do we speak the truth in love, even if it causes temporary distress? The medical dilemma illustrates the challenge Christians face in today’s discussions about preferred gender pronouns…

 

WHAT’S BEING ASKED OF US

Our culture increasingly insists gender is fluid, self-determined, and separate from biological sex. The worldview demands others affirm an individual’s self-declared gender identity through language—specifically through the use of preferred pronouns that may not align with the person’s biological reality.

For Christians who live by Scripture rather than cultural trends, this creates a profound tension. We’re called to love our neighbours, but we’re also called to truth. Are the two callings in conflict when it comes to pronouns?

 

THE BIBLICAL FOUNDATION FOR GENDER

The Christian understanding of gender begins in Genesis 1:27. This isn’t merely an incidental detail but a fundamental aspect of God’s design.

Throughout Scripture, our creation as male and female is presented not as a social construct or a spectrum of possibilities, but as a binary reality woven into the very fabric of creation. Our bodies, with their biological realities, aren’t prisons from which our “true selves” need liberation—they’re divinely crafted vessels that reveal part of God’s intent for our lives.

This doesn’t mean fallen humanity experiences no confusion or distress regarding gender. In our broken world, experiences of gender may be complicated by various factors. But the solution to this brokenness isn’t to deny reality; it’s to seek healing and wholeness—in alignment with God’s design.

 

TRUTH-TELLING AS AN ACT OF LOVE

In Ephesians 4:15, Paul instructs believers to speak “the truth in love.” Note he doesn’t present truth and love as competing values where we must choose one or the other. Rather, they’re inseparable companions. Love without truth isn’t really love at all—it’s mere sentimentality that ultimately harms those we claim to care about.

Consider again our medical analogy. The doctor who signs a false health certificate isn’t showing compassion—they’re committing malpractice. True compassion means speaking difficult truths precisely because we care about the other’s wellbeing.

Similarly, affirming a perception of gender that contradicts biological reality isn’t an act of love, even when our culture frames it that way. It’s a well-intentioned but misguided attempt to show acceptance that ultimately cooperates with confusion rather than offering clarity.

 

THE REFORMED UNDERSTANDING OF HUMAN NATURE

Reformed theology emphasises sin affects every aspect of our being—including our self-perception. Our hearts are “deceitful above all things” (Jeremiah 17:9), and we cannot fully trust our internal sense of identity as the final authority.

This doesn’t mean dismissing someone’s genuine distress or confusion about gender. These experiences are real. And often painful. However, it does mean recognising our fallen natures require external, objective truths to guide us—not merely subjective feelings, however sincere they may be.

 

LOVING OUR NEIGHBOURS WHILE STANDING FIRM

So how do we navigate these waters with both conviction and compassion? First, we reject the false notion that using preferred pronouns is the only way to show respect for individuals experiencing gender dysphoria.

We can:

• Listen attentively to their experiences without immediately jumping to correction
• Build genuine relationships that demonstrate Christ’s love in tangible ways
• Explain our convictions when necessary with gentleness and respect (1 Peter 3:15)

The goal isn’t to win arguments but to point toward the healing and wholeness found in embracing God’s design. This approach requires more effort than simply adopting preferred pronouns, but it demonstrates a commitment to both truth and love.

 

THE LONG VIEW: WHAT’S AT STAKE

Language matters profoundly. The words we use don’t merely reflect our thoughts—they shape them. When we speak in ways that contradict reality, we gradually begin to think in those same distorted patterns.

As Christians, our allegiance isn’t to the shifting sands of cultural consensus but to the unchanging Word of God. When we modify our language to accommodate views that contradict Scripture, we’re not simply changing pronouns—we’re incrementally surrendering the authority of God’s revelation in our lives and communities.

The church has always had a prophetic role in speaking truth to culture. Sometimes this means standing against powerful cultural currents, not out of stubbornness or insensitivity, but out of fidelity to a higher calling.

 

PREFERRED GENDER PRONOUNS: TRUE COMPASSION REQUIRES COURAGE

Returning to our medical analogy: The truly compassionate doctor tells difficult truths, even when they cause momentary distress. The doctor’s primary commitment isn’t to the patient’s immediate comfort but to their ultimate healing.

As Christians navigating gender pronoun expectations, we face a similar calling. True compassion sometimes requires the courage to speak truth when falsehood would be farequires a willingness to be misunderstood, labelled as unkind, or even socially penalised for refusing to affirm what we believe to be untrue.

Patients who asks the doctor to lie about their health need healing, not deception. Similarly, our culture needs the life-giving truth of God’s good design for gender—not our capitulation to confusion, however well-intentioned it might be.

May we be people who speak truth with love, who demonstrate compassion without compromise, and who trust God’s design for humanity—including the reality of male and female—isn’t a burden to escape but a blessing to embrace.

 

PREFERRED GENDER PRONOUNS: RELATED FAQs

What does the Reformed perspective suggest about using preferred pronouns? John Piper has argued that using pronouns inconsistent with biological sex constitutes bearing false witness and violates our Christian commitment to truth. Kevin DeYoung similarly maintains language about gender should reflect God’s created order. He notes accommodating preferred pronouns ultimately undermines the coherence of Christian anthropology. Both emphasise compassion must not come at the expense of God’s revealed truth about human nature.

• How should Christian employers or business owners respond to legal requirements about pronoun usage? Christians in business should seek to honour governing authorities (Romans 13) while not comqpromising biblical convictions. This may involve creative solutions like using names instead of pronouns, implementing respectful but truthful company policies, or, in more difficult cases, being prepared to bear the cost of following conscience. Each situation requires wisdom, prayer, and possibly legal counsel to navigate the tension between compliance and conviction.
• Is there a difference between using pronouns for someone with clinically diagnosed gender dysphoria versus someone identifying as non-binary for ideological reasons? While the subjective experience differs, the objective reality remains the same in both cases—biological sex isn’t changed by either medical condition or ideological commitment. Christians can show particular sensitivity to those experiencing genuine psychological distress without abandoning the truth of created reality. Our compassionate response may vary in approach while maintaining consistency in our commitment to speaking truthfully about male and female as created categories.

How do we respond to the claim that refusing preferred pronouns contributes to suicide rates among transgender individuals? This claim requires careful and compassionate engagement rather than simplistic responses. Research on suicide causation is complex, and many factors beyond pronoun usage contribute to psychological distress. Christians should take seriously the suffering of those experiencing gender dysphoria while also recognising that affirming a false identity is not a path to genuine healing. We can combine truth-telling with active care, support, and connection to appropriate mental health resources.

• How does the Reformed view of common grace inform our understanding of secular therapy approaches to gender dysphoria? The Reformed doctrine of common grace acknowledges non-Christians can discover true and helpful insights about creation, including aspects of psychology and therapy. However, common grace operates alongside the noetic effects of sin, meaning secular approaches often contain mixtures of truth and error. Christians can appreciate therapeutic techniques that reduce suffering while critically evaluating underlying worldview assumptions that contradict Scripture’s teaching on gender and identity.
• What is the significance of language and how does this relate to pronoun? Reformed theology has historically emphasised language is God-given, designed to communicate truth about reality as God has structured it. From the naming of animals in Genesis to God’s self-revelation through words, language serves to accurately represent rather than construct reality. Using pronouns that contradict biological reality undermines this view of language as a truth-bearing gift, potentially distorting our understanding of both creation and the Creator.

How do we respond to children and adolescents struggling with gender identity? Covenant theology reminds us children in Christian families are embraced within God’s covenant promises and should be nurtured in truth, not current cultural ideologies. Parents have a God-given responsibility to guide their children toward embracing their biological sex as part of God’s good design, while responding with patience and grace to developmental struggles. This covenantal perspective encourages us to point young people to their identity in Christ rather than in gender self-determination, recognising that adolescence is often marked by temporary identity exploration.

 

PREFERRED GENDER PRONOUNS: OUR RELATED POSTS

• What’s Wrong with Transgender Ideology: A Christian Perspective
• My Body My Choice’? What Does Scripture Actually Teach?
• Can God Condemn Homosexuality Even If Some Are Born Gay?