Sexual Ethics: Why It’s a Gospel Issue—Not the Gospel Itself

Published On: October 1, 2025

Sexual ethics—how we live out God’s design for relationships and intimacy—can spark heated debate among Christians. Some say it’s at the heart of the gospel, while others see it as a side issue that distracts from Jesus’ message of grace.

But here’s the confusion: both approaches miss something crucial. Some treat sexual ethics as if it’s everything about the gospel—the main test of whether we’re truly Christian. Others dismiss it as nothing—a cultural holdover with no real connection to the gospel. So what’s the truth? How does sexual ethics actually relate to the good news about Jesus?

The answer matters more than you might think: Sexual ethics is deeply connected to the gospel—but it’s not the gospel itself. Think of it like fruit growing from a tree’s roots. The fruit and the root are connected, but they’re not the same thing. Confusing them leads us into dangerous territory: either harsh legalism or careless license…

WHAT IS THE GOSPEL?

First, we need to be clear about what the gospel actually is.

The gospel is this: Christ died for our sins, was buried, and rose again on the third day. It’s the good news that we’re saved by faith alone, through grace alone, in Christ alone. The gospel is about what Christ has done for us—His finished work on the cross—not about our moral performance.

Sexual purity is not part of this saving message. We’re not saved by achieving sexual holiness. The thief dying next to Jesus had no time to reform his behaviour, yet Jesus promised him paradise that very day.

This distinction is critical. When we confuse the gospel with Christian living, we create two opposing errors:

Legalism: Making sexual morality a condition for God’s acceptance. This says, “You must fix your sexuality to be saved.”
Antinomianism: Dismissing God’s design as irrelevant. This says, “Grace means God doesn’t care how we live.”

Both are wrong. The Reformed tradition—following Scripture—holds gospel and obedience together without confusing them. The gospel saves us. Obedience flows from that salvation like fruit from a healthy tree.

WHY SEXUAL ETHICS IS A GOSPEL ISSUE

Now, just because sexual ethics isn’t the gospel doesn’t mean it’s unrelated to the gospel. In fact, it’s deeply connected. Here’s why:

The gospel addresses sexual sin—just like all sin. When the apostle Paul lists sins that characterise people apart from Christ, sexual immorality appears consistently alongside things like greed, idolatry, and slander. Sexual sin isn’t in a special category. It reveals the same human rebellion against God as every other sin—the choice to worship created things rather than the Creator.

The gospel transforms sexual sinners. Paul writes to the Corinthian church: “Some of you were sexually immoral… some were adulterers… but you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ.” Notice the past tense. The gospel didn’t just forgive these people—it changed them. This transformation is real, not just theoretical.

God’s design for sexuality teaches us about God Himself. In the beginning, God created us male and female and established marriage. This wasn’t arbitrary. Marriage between a man and woman was designed to picture something greater—the relationship between Christ and the Church. When we embrace God’s design for sexuality, we’re not just following rules; we’re living out a truth about God’s faithful, covenant love. Rejecting this design isn’t culturally neutral—it touches on deep theological realities about who God is and who we are.

Union with Christ redefines our identity. Paul tells believers, “Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit… you are not your own; you were bought with a price.” When Christ saves us, we belong to Him completely—including our bodies and our sexuality. Our sexuality isn’t an autonomous zone where we make our own rules.

Here’s the key point: The gospel necessarily speaks to sexual brokenness because the gospel speaks to every kind of human brokenness. If we said “the gospel doesn’t address sexuality,” we would be gutting the gospel of its power to transform the whole person. The gospel is comprehensive—it touches every area of our lives.

WHY SEXUAL ETHICS IS NOT THE GOSPEL ITSELF

But—and this is equally important—sexual ethics isn’t the gospel itself.

Sexual purity doesn’t save us. Salvation comes through faith in Christ’s perfect righteousness, not through our sexual obedience. Even our best attempts at purity are tainted by mixed motives and partial obedience. If sexual holiness were required for salvation, none of us would be saved.

The Law guides us, but doesn’t save us. In Reformed theology, we talk about the “third use of the law”—a fancy way of saying that God’s moral instructions (including sexual ethics) serve as a guide for how Christians should live. The law shows us God’s will. But the law doesn’t make us right with God. Only the gospel does that. Sexual ethics is part of sanctification (growing in holiness), not justification (being declared righteous).

Sexual ethics isn’t a test of salvation. Sexual sin isn’t worse than other sins—and when Christians struggle with it, it doesn’t mean they’re not really Christian. Struggling with sexual sin isn’t the same as being unsaved. Every Christian battles remaining sin in some area.

Grace doesn’t just permit sin—it empowers us to change. Paul writes “the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness.” Grace is not permission to keep sinning. Grace is the power to change. The gospel produces transformation, but—and this is crucial—the transformation is the evidence of salvation, not the means of salvation. We don’t transform ourselves to earn God’s favour. God transforms us because He has already given us His favour in Christ.

Making sexual ethics part of the gospel itself creates a works-based religion that Paul spent his entire ministry opposing. We would be back to saying, “Christ’s death wasn’t enough—we also need to achieve sexual purity to be saved.”

That’s not good news. That’s crushing news.

LIVING IN THE TENSION

So where does this leave us practically?

If we’re struggling with sexual sin, let’s get this: The gospel offers both forgiveness and power. Our struggle doesn’t disqualify us from God’s grace. Let’s come to Christ as we are—broken, tempted, failing. He will receive us. But let’s also know that His grace doesn’t leave us where we are. Grace calls us forward into transformation. We may struggle, we may fall, we may need to fight this battle our whole life—but the gospel promises us Christ is with us in that fight, and His power is at work in us.

For the church’s witness, we need wisdom. We must speak truth without becoming Pharisees who make sexual morality the badge of superiority. We’re all recovering sinners, all dependent on grace. At the same time, we must offer compassion without compromise. True love doesn’t affirm everything someone wants to do. True love pursues what’s ultimately best for them—their eternal flourishing in God’s good design.

When people object—“Jesus never mentioned homosexuality” or “This teaching is unloving”—we can respond with both conviction and gentleness. Jesus affirmed the Genesis creation pattern of male-female marriage when He said, “From the beginning, God made them male and female… the two shall become one flesh.” And love isn’t about affirming every desire; it’s about wanting God’s best for someone, even when that requires sacrifice.

SEXUAL ETHICS: THE GOOD NEWS

Here’s the good news: Christ is sufficient for all our sin, including sexual sin. No sin is too great for His grace. No struggle is beyond His transforming power.

We navigate between two errors—making sexual ethics everything (legalism) or making it nothing (license). The Reformed way holds them together: sexual holiness flows from gospel grace. It’s the evidence of transformation, not the price tag for it.

Let’s not confuse categories. The gospel is the root; obedience is the fruit. They’re connected, but they’re not the same. The gospel is rich enough, comprehensive enough, and powerful enough to transform the whole person—including our sexuality.

That’s the beauty of the gospel: it saves us completely, and then, slowly but surely, it changes us completely.

SEXUAL ETHICS: A GOSPEL ISSUE—RELATED FAQs

How do Reformed counsellors help Christians struggling with, say, same-sex attraction? Reformed pastoral counsellors emphasise experiencing same-sex attraction is not itself sin—acting on those desires or nurturing lustful thoughts is where sin enters. They focus on helping individuals find their primary identity in Christ rather than in their sexual desires, while acknowledging this is often a lifelong battle. Counsellors like Rosaria Butterfield and Sam Allberry (both from Reformed backgrounds) stress the importance of gospel community where celibate Christians can experience deep, non-sexual love and belonging. The goal isn’t necessarily “becoming straight” but growing in holiness and finding fullness of life in Christ—whether married or single.

What about Christians who experience no change in their sexual desires even after conversion? Tim Keller and other Reformed thinkers have pointed out sanctification is progressive and uneven—we don’t expect instant perfection in any area of life. Some believers struggle with anger for decades; others battle pride their entire lives; still others wrestle with sexual temptation without experiencing dramatic change in attraction patterns. What matters is the direction of life, not the absence of temptation. Reformed theology emphasises remaining sin will exist in all believers until glorification. The pastoral concern isn’t whether someone still experiences temptation, but whether they’re fighting it in dependence on Christ, or justifying and indulging it.
How do we distinguish between struggling with sexual sin and being in unrepentant rebellion? Reformed pastor and author Kevin DeYoung makes this crucial distinction: struggling means we recognise the sin, hate it, fight against it, confess it when we fall, and genuinely desire change—even when progress feels slow. Unrepentant rebellion means we’ve redefined the sin as not-sin, justified our behavior, stopped fighting, and perhaps even demanded that others affirm our choices. The struggling believer says, “I know this is wrong and I need help.” The rebellious person says, “This isn’t wrong and you need to accept me.” Reformed counsellors note that struggling believers, however frequent their failures, show evidence of the Spirit’s work through their very struggle and sorrow over sin.

Why does the New Testament seem to emphasise sexual sin more than other sins? Reformed scholar Richard Hays observes sexual sin receives particular attention in Paul’s letters because it was a major presenting issue in the Greco-Roman culture where Christianity spread—temple prostitution, pederasty, and sexual licentiousness were normalised. Additionally, Paul teaches us sexual sin is unique: it is sin “against your own body” in a way that affects our union with Christ (1 Corinthians 6:18). However, Reformed theologians like Michael Horton caution against creating a hierarchy of sins in our minds—the New Testament also vigorously condemns greed, slander, and pride. Sexual sin isn’t “worse” than other sins in terms of needing forgiveness, but it does have unique consequences for embodied discipleship and community witness.

How should churches handle members in same-sex relationships who want to remain in the church? Reformed church polity typically distinguishes between unbelievers exploring Christianity and professing members. JD Greear and others in the Reformed tradition advocate welcoming anyone to attend church and hear the gospel, regardless of their lifestyle. However, church membership and leadership require credible profession of faith and pursuit of holiness. Most Reformed churches would lovingly call someone in an active same-sex relationship to repentance, offering support for pursuing celibacy or, if married to an opposite-sex partner before conversion, remaining faithful to that covenant. If the person refuses to acknowledge this as sin, church discipline would eventually apply—not because this sin is unforgivable, but because unrepentant rebellion in any area raises questions about genuine faith.
What about intersex conditions or chromosomal abnormalities—don’t these complicate the “male and female” binary? Reformed bioethicists like C Ben Mitchell acknowledge disorders of sexual development (DSDs) are real medical conditions affecting a very small percentage of people. However, these conditions represent tragic effects of living in a fallen world—like other genetic disorders—not a third sex or evidence that sex is merely a social construct. The vast majority of DSD cases still have an identifiable biological sex, even when external anatomy is ambiguous. Pastoral care involves compassion, careful medical guidance, and recognising these individuals face unique challenges. But rare medical anomalies don’t overturn the creation norm of sexual dimorphism any more than people born without legs overturn the norm that we humans are bipedal creatures.

How can single Christians practice sexual holiness when marriage seems increasingly delayed or unlikely? Reformed thinkers like Barry Danylak have challenged the church’s implicit idolatry of marriage and family, reminding us singleness was Jesus’ own calling and Paul’s preferred state for gospel ministry. Celibate Christians need the church to provide meaningful community, deep friendships, and alternative family structures—not treat them as incomplete until married. Reformed pastoral practice increasingly emphasises sexual holiness doesn’t mean “wait until marriage and then everything will be satisfied”—it means learning contentment in Christ whether married or single. The church must recover a robust theology of singleness as a good and complete calling, not a second-class status, while also helping singles develop healthy patterns of emotional intimacy, physical touch (non-sexual), and belonging within the body of Christ.

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