As a Christian couple struggling with infertility, we’re seeking guidance on how to respond faithfully to this challenge. What biblical perspective can help us cope, and what are the ethical considerations for fertility options available to us?

Tears and Trust: Navigating the Pain of Infertility

In an age when people value their individualism and their own happiness above God’s command to “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28), may He bless you for desiring to conceive.

Having said that, we wish to emphasise our trust in the complete sovereignty and goodness of God. Nothing—not even childlessness—can jeopardise God’s will for us. God’s will for us, His children, is always good, and that includes even our childlessness. May we always rejoice in His will, and affirm His goodness, regardless of our circumstances.

Sanctity of Life in the Bible

Scripture provides us with examples of faithful individuals who faced infertility. We recall Rachel’s painful cry: “Give me children, or I die” (Genesis 30:1). Hannah’s fervent prayers for a child (1 Samuel 1) and Elizabeth’s patience in waiting for John the Baptist (Luke 1:5-25) remind us God may, sometimes, give us what we ask—but in His time, not ours. Scripture encourages us to trust in God’s plan, even when the plan differs from the deep longings of our hearts. Remember Paul’s words in Philippians 4:11-13  about contentment in all circumstances?

Sanctity of life—all life, whether male, female, slave, free, foetus or embryo—is at the heart of Scripture. Psalm 139:13-16 reveals it is God who knit us in our mother’s womb. The same God tells Jeremiah he was chosen much before he was even conceived (Jeremiah 1:4-5).

Christians who argue abortion is wrong on the basis of these verses, often do not realise similar objections apply to in-vitro fertilisation (IVF) as well.

In-vitro Fertilisation

Roughly explained, in IVF, a sperm and an egg are fertilised outside of the woman’s body. However, in order to increase the success rate of the procedure, multiple sperms and eggs are retrieved from the couple to form several embryos—of these, only the best is selected for insertion into the uterine lining. The remaining embryos are either donated towards research, kept in cryo-preservation (cold storage) or simply discarded. The global numbers will be staggering.

According to a recent statistic, an estimated 1 million embryos are left frozen in storage facilities in the US alone. In the UK, statistics indicate around 130,000 embryos have been discarded since 1991, and around 500,000 are in cryo-preservation.

This has led some medical professionals, including Dr. Lauren Rubal, an Ob-Gyn and infertility expert, to discontinue practicing IVF on ethical grounds. As Christians who are convinced all life is wanted by God, we would make a grievous error to think the unselected embryos are unwanted and therefore fit to be discarded or frozen indefinitely.

One option for couples who wish to try IVF is to adopt a more nuanced approach: ensuring all created embryos are either used, or insisting on the formation of a single embryo—rather than several. This second option would, however, mean the chances of success are pretty slim. It would also mean more work and diminished success rates for the physicians. And extra costs for the couple.

Intrauterine Insemination

In comparison to IVF, intrauterine insemination (IUI) may seem the more ethical choice as this involves the sperm being inserted directly into the ovaries, thus eliminating the creation of multiple embryos. This treatment is often opted for when the man has a lower sperm count or his sperms lack motility. However, if the woman too has infertility issues and is unable to release an egg, she is induced with medication that stimulates hormones to release several eggs instead of one. This could lead to conceiving more than one baby. Although this treatment has a lower success rate than IVF, it is much more pain-free and cost-effective. Christians are still divided in their opinions on IUI, but it seems a more ethical choice than IVF.

Ethical Considerations

Some Christians argue the process of selecting the best embryo (in the case of IVF) or the best sperm (in the case of IUI) is outside of God’s original design. This is because, in the natural process, a couple does not get to select the children they wish to have, but merely submit to God’s will for them. This is, in a way, an act of sanctification as God shapes the parents more in His likeness while they raise the children He has blessed them with.

Several more fertility treatments are available. However, a few Christians believe using third-party donated sperms or eggs amounts to tampering with God’s natural design. The same is the case with surrogacy. Since it is the Lord who brings couples together in marriage, it is through their seed He wishes to see an offspring born.

While we may accept any medical treatment as part of God’s common grace, reproductive technologies that involve creating and selecting embryos outside the body do represent unique ethical challenges. Unlike treatments that work within the natural reproductive process, these technologies give us unprecedented control over the early stages of human life. The level of intervention typically required raises concerns that we may be usurping God’s role as the author of life (Psalm 139:13-16, Jeremiah 1:5) and potentially treating embryos as commodities rather than as image-bearers of God (Genesis 1:27).

Fertility Treatments Within the Body

Some Christians also believe fertility treatments that happen outside of the body (such as IVF and IUI) are against God’s natural design as God designed for babies to be born through the act of sex. These believers endorse fertility treatments that work within the body’s natural processes, viewing them as an extension of God’s common grace through medical advancements.

Such treatments include medications to promote ovulation or increase sperm motility, as well as medical interventions for conditions such as PCOS or endometriosis. The key distinction is that these approaches aim to restore or enhance the body’s natural reproductive functions, rather than creating life outside the womb. This perspective aligns with the biblical principle of stewardship over our bodies (1 Corinthians 6:19-20) while respecting the God-designed process of conception through marital intimacy.

Tears and Trust: Navigating the Pain of Infertility: As Christians, we affirm trust in a loving Sovereign. We believe nothing ultimately thwarts God’s loving plans for us (Romans 8:28). However, this doesn’t mean we shouldn’t carefully consider our choices. While fertility treatments aren’t necessarily against God’s will, we shall do well to prayerfully seek wisdom in how we pursue them, always submitting our desires to God’s guidance (Proverbs 3:5-6, James 1:5).

The Compelling Case for Adoption

Some believers with special grace may also give careful thought to whether God is calling them to be loving, adoptive parents and by doing so, saving the life of a child estranged both biologically and spiritually. Adoption is a beautiful reflection of God’s love and of our own spiritual adoption. Ephesians 1:5 tells us God ‘predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ.’ By choosing to adopt, we mirror God’s heart for the fatherless (Psalm 68:5) and participate in a profound act of love and redemption. James 1:27 even describes care for orphans as a mark of ‘pure and faultless’ religion. For some couples, adoption may be God’s calling to build their family while also providing a loving home, and a Christian upbringing to a child in need.

But more on that in a later post…

Meanwhile, Let’s Trust Our Loving Sovereign

Tears and Trust: Navigating the Pain of Infertility: We who’re convinced of the unfailing love, omniscience and sovereignty of God, know He’s intimately aware of our struggles to conceive. Our prayers haven’t fallen on deaf ears—for God answers the prayers of His children in one of three ways: ‘Yes,’ ‘No’, or ‘Wait’.

Could it be, then, His answer is ‘No’—the one we dread? Even if His plan for us is to remain childless, He will comfort us in our grief. Let’s go to Him in prayer and tell Him we’re unable to process our grief, even unsure how to pray. The Holy Spirit will Himself intercede for us—translating our groaning and our tears to prayers before the Father (Romans 8:26-27). And the next verse assures us that in all things, God will work for the good of His children (Romans 8:28).

Perhaps, God wishes for us to know that loving or desiring anything more than Him is idolatry. We mustn’t let it become the devil’s tool to wreak havoc and dissatisfaction in our lives.

Dear friend, may we respond to our pressing grief as the saints did in the past with theirs. May we rise up, and wipe our tears, shunning the urge to wallow in self-pity. And, may we come to affirm with our mouths, as the saints did in their hour of trial, that we’re satisfied in the Lord’s peace and comfort and love even now. And yes, that we lack no good thing.

Related Reads:

• Who Says God is Hidden or Distant? He is Just a Prayer Away
• Pain and Suffering: Christian Perspectives
• Called Home Early: Reformed Perspectives on Infant Death
• Can God Be Truly Sovereign and Man Be Free? The Biblical Perspective