Outdo One Another in Showing Honour: What Does It Really Mean?
“Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honour.” Paul’s instructions in Romans 12:10 present us with a striking paradox. In a world that celebrates winning at all costs, outperforming others, and climbing social ladders, the apostle Paul calls believers to a different kind of competition. Not a race for recognition, power, or status, but a contest in honouring others above ourselves.
The command challenges our natural inclinations. We instinctively seek our own advancement and recognition. Yet here, buried within Paul’s practical instructions for Christian living, we find a revolutionary concept that has the power to transform our relationships and communities. What does it mean to “outdo one another in showing honour,” and how might this practice reshape our lives?
UNDERSTANDING THE CONTEXT
Romans 12 marks a significant pivot in Paul’s letter. After eleven chapters expounding the glorious doctrines of sin, justification, and God’s sovereign plan, Paul turns to the practical implications of these truths. “Therefore,” he begins in 12:1, connecting what follows directly to the gospel truths he has established.
The transformed life begins with a renewed mind (Romans 12:2). This, in turn, leads to transformed relationships. No longer conforming to the world’s patterns, believers are called to a new way of relating to one another that flows from gospel truth. Paul’s instruction about honouring others comes within a cluster of commands about sincere love, mutual affection, and humble service (Romans 12:9-13). This isn’t an isolated ethical teaching but part of Paul’s vision for how the gospel reshapes community.
UNPACKING KEY TERMS
To grasp Paul’s meaning, we must understand the key terms he employs:
- Brotherly affection (Greek: philadelphia) refers to the natural love between family members. Paul uses the term to remind us fellow believers aren’t merely associates or friends but family in Christ. We’re brothers and sisters with a bond that transcends natural kinship (Matthew 12:49-50).
- Outdo (proēgoumenoi) carries competitive overtones. Paul deliberately employs the language of competition or racing ahead. This isn’t about minimal compliance but zealous pursuit—striving to exceed others in this particular virtue.
- Honour (timē) encompasses acknowledging worth, showing esteem, and treating others as valuable. In ancient Mediterranean culture, honour was a primary social currency. Rather than seeking honour for oneself (the cultural norm), Paul calls believers to actively confer honour on others.
Collectively, the terms create a powerful image: believers fervently competing to show more respect, value, and esteem to others than others show them—a radical reversal of natural human inclination.
A COUNTER-CULTURAL COMPETITION
This “outdoing in honour” stands in stark contrast to worldly competitions for status and recognition. The world teaches us to outdo others in achievement, wealth, influence, and prominence. Social media amplifies the tendency, as we compete for likes, followers, and visibility. Even in religious contexts, we compete—ever so subtly—for reputation, recognition, and spiritual status.
Jesus directly confronts this mindset among his disciples. When they argue about who’s greatest, he tells them true greatness comes through service (Mark 10:42-45). He warns against seeking titles and recognition (Matthew 23:11-12), and demonstrates the ultimate act of honouring others in washing His disciples’ feet (John 13:12-15).
Paul’s instruction invites us to a competition where “winning” means elevating others rather than ourselves. Instead of asking, “How can I be recognised?” we ask, “How can I recognise the value in others?” Instead of “How can I secure my place?” we ask, “How can I elevate someone else?” This isn’t merely being polite or respectful—it’s actively seeking ways to esteem others beyond what culture expects or what they “deserve.”
THE THEOLOGICAL FOUNDATION
The practice of mutual honour isn’t merely good social strategy—it’s deeply theological. Christ Himself is our pattern: He “did not consider equality with God something to be grasped” but took the form of a servant (Philippians 2:3-11). Jesus consistently honoured those whom society considered unimportant: women, children, foreigners, the disabled, the religiously unclean. By doing so, he recognised the inherent dignity of all people as image-bearers of God.
The gospel transforms our view of human worth. Every person bears God’s Image (Genesis 1:27) and is someone for whom Christ died (Romans 5:8). The reality transcends all other markers of status, achievement, or social position. We honour others not because of what they’ve accomplished or how they benefit us, but because of whose they are.
Grace becomes our motivation for honour. Having received honour we didn’t deserve in Christ, we extend honour to others regardless of merit. Paul’s language of “outdoing” reminds us honouring others is active and intentional, not passive or reactive. We don’t wait for others to honour us first; we take the initiative just as Christ did for us while we were still sinners (Romans 5:8).
OVERCOMING OBSTACLES IN SHOWING HONOUR
Several barriers may prevent us from outdoing one another in showing honour:
Pride and self-importance focus our attention on our own status and recognition. When we’re preoccupied with our own honour, we have little energy for honouring others. Scripture consistently teaches us pride blinds us to others’ value and worth (Philippians 2:3-4).
Envy and jealousy make honouring others feel threatening rather than joyful. When we view others as competitors rather than brothers and sisters, their success and recognition seem to diminish our own. Paul reminds us to “rejoice with those who rejoice” (Romans 12:15), viewing others’ honour as an occasion for celebration, not comparison.
False concepts of humility can also hinder. True humility isn’t self-deprecation or denying gifts and abilities. Rather, it’s an accurate self-assessment that recognises both our strengths and limitations in light of God’s grace (Romans 12:3). True humility frees us to honour others generously because our identity is secure in Christ, not in comparative status.
Overcoming these obstacles requires the transforming work of the Holy Spirit. Only through His power can we genuinely rejoice in honouring others and find our identity secure enough in Christ that we no longer grasp for recognition and status. This is part of the ongoing renewal of our minds (Romans 12:2) that empowers countercultural living.
CONCLUSION
To “outdo one another in showing honour” means to engage in the counterintuitive competition of actively seeking to esteem, value, and elevate others above ourselves. Far from being a burden or loss, it liberates us from the exhausting status competitions of our culture and aligns us with the heart of Christ, who came “not to be served, but to serve” (Mark 10:45).
When we honour others—lifting up their contributions, acknowledging their worth, speaking well of them, creating space for their gifts—we participate in God’s redemptive work of restoring dignity to His image-bearers. We reflect the character of Christ, who consistently honoured those whom society overlooked or devalued.
The gospel both motivates and empowers this practice. Having been honoured by Christ far beyond what we deserve, we extend that same gracious honour to others regardless of their “worthiness.” And the Spirit enables us to find joy in elevating others rather than ourselves, secure in our identity as God’s beloved children.
Today, consider how you might outdo others in showing honour: Who in your life needs recognition? Whose contributions have gone unacknowledged? How might you elevate someone else through your words, actions, or attention? In doing so, you’ll not only obey this scripture but also participate in creating communities that reflect the upside-down values of God’s kingdom—where the path to greatness is service, and the way to honor is giving it away.
OUTDO ONE ANOTHER IN SHOWING HONOUR—RELATED FAQs
What does this honouring competition look like in actual practice?
In church community: We celebrate others’ spiritual gifts rather than comparing or envying them (1 Corinthians 12:14-26); we listen attentively when others speak or teach, regardless of their status or eloquence; we publicly acknowledge contributions that may otherwise go unnoticed; and we create space for different voices and perspectives, especially from those often marginalised.
In family relationships: We speak well of our spouse to others and appreciating them publicly; we value children’s thoughts and contributions, not just their achievements or obedience; we honour aging parents beyond mere duty, highlighting their wisdom and value (Ephesians 6:2-3); we celebrate each family member’s unique gifts rather than imposing uniform expectations
In workplace settings: We give credit generously and take responsibility humbly; we speak positively about colleagues, even those who compete with us for advancement; we honour those in positions “below” us with the same respect we show to superiors; we acknowledge the dignity of all work and all workers as image-bearers (Colossians 3:23-24)
In difficult relationships: We speak respectfully of those who oppose us, avoiding caricature or contempt (1 Peter 2:17); we look for what is commendable even in those with whom we strongly disagree; we giving others the benefit of the doubt rather than assuming the worst; and we refuse to participate in gossip or slander, even when culturally acceptable (Ephesians 4:31-32)
How does “outdoing one another in showing honour” create a distinct community witness? When Christians actively compete to honour one another, it creates a community strikingly different from the status-seeking norms of society. Visitors and observers encounter a refreshing environment where people genuinely celebrate others’ contributions rather than seeking recognition for themselves. This distinctive culture serves as a powerful apologetic, demonstrating the transformative power of the gospel in human relationships without saying a word. As Jesus taught in John 13:35, “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another”—and actively honouring others is one of the clearest expressions of Christ-like love.
How does this practice of mutual honour contrast with traditional honour-shame cultures? In traditional honour-shame cultures, honour is typically a limited resource that must be aggressively protected and can only be won at another’s expense. The Christian practice of “outdoing in honour” transforms this zero-sum game into an abundant economy where honour multiplies as it’s given away. Rather than defending family honour through vengeance or saving face through deception, believers freely confer honour on others, knowing their ultimate worth is secure in Christ. This creates a revolutionary middle path that neither embraces toxic shame nor perpetuates harmful honour competitions but instead establishes communities where dignity flows from God’s image in each person.
What does a community look like when each member is genuinely valued and esteemed? A community practicing mutual honour becomes a place where diverse gifts flourish because each contribution is recognised rather than compared or ranked. People take more risks in serving and sharing because they know their efforts will be received with appreciation rather than criticism or indifference. Conflicts transform from personality contests into collaborative problem-solving, as people who feel honoured can engage disagreements without feeling threatened in their fundamental worth. Such communities become healing spaces for those wounded by rejection or marginalisation, as they experience perhaps for the first time what it means to be valued simply for who they are rather than for what they accomplish.
How does the practice of mutual honour fulfil Christ’s prayer for unity in John 17? Jesus prayed His followers would experience the same unity He shares with the Father—a unity characterised by mutual glorification and honour (John 17:22). When Christians actively honour one another across differences of background, perspective, and gifting, they participate in answering this prayer. Unity doesn’t require uniformity but rather mutual valuing of distinct contributions to the body of Christ, as Paul elaborates in 1 Corinthians 12. By choosing to elevate others rather than ourselves, we dismantle the competitive pride that so often fractures Christian fellowship, creating instead the kind of loving unity that Jesus said would convince the world of the gospel’s truth (John 17:23).
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