Here’s a strange law from the Bible. A man may take back the wife he divorced—unless she married someone else in between. If she did, the door’s shut. Shut even if her second husband dies. Shut even if everyone’s sorry. Shut for good.
Why would God care so much about that one detail? And what does it mean for divorced couples today whose hearts are turning back towards each other?
Why the Exception?
Two people divorce. Time passes. Anger cools. Someone repents. Old love wakes up. And they begin to ask: can divorced couples remarry each other? Would God bless them if they stood together again and said, ‘I do’?
The answer is a clear yes in most cases—and the one exception teaches us something beautiful about marriage.
THE ANSWER IN ONE MINUTE
Yes, in most cases. If neither of you has married another person since the divorce, the Bible allows you to marry each other again. Often it encourages it.
One exception. If one of you married someone else after the divorce, the Bible warns against going back—even if that second marriage has now ended.
One firm rule. Never leave the husband or wife you have now in order to go back to a former one.
First, remember where marriage began. God made it, not us. Jesus said:
What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.
Matthew 19:6 (ESV)
When the religious leaders asked why Moses allowed divorce, Jesus said it was ‘because of your hardness of heart… but from the beginning it was not so’ (Matthew 19:8). So when a divorced couple asks about coming back together, they’re asking whether they may move back towards God’s first plan.
Paul’s Clear Word: ‘Remain Unmarried or Be Reconciled’
The clearest verse on our question comes from the apostle Paul:
To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.
1 Corinthians 7:10–11 (ESV)
Paul gives the wife who has left only 2 choices: stay single, or go back. Marrying a new man isn’t on the list.
But was Paul talking about a short separation or a real divorce? 2 small words help us:
- The word ‘separate’. In Greek it is chōrizō. David Instone-Brewer, a New Testament scholar at Tyndale House in Cambridge, studied marriage papers from the first century. He found this was a normal word for divorce in Paul’s world. In those days, if you walked out of your marriage, you were divorced.
- The word ‘unmarried’. Paul calls her agamos—‘unmarried’. That word fits someone whose marriage has ended, not someone sleeping in another room.
So Paul is picturing a divorced wife—and he points her down the road home.
John Calvin, the 16th-century pastor of Geneva, read the verse as one door shut and one door left open. A wife who walks away without good reason isn’t free to marry someone new. But the way back to her own husband stays open the whole time.
Two Kinds of Divorce, One Answer
Some divorces happen for reasons the Bible accepts. Others do not. We might expect that to change the answer. It doesn’t.
How the Bible’s answer works for both kinds of divorce
| KIND OF DIVORCE | WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MARRIAGE BOND? | MAY THEY MARRY EACH OTHER AGAIN? | KEY VERSES |
|---|---|---|---|
| On biblical grounds (sexual unfaithfulness or desertion) | The bond is truly broken. The innocent person is free to marry. | Yes. They may marry ‘only in the Lord’—and that can include each other. | Matthew 19:9; 1 Corinthians 7:15, 39 |
| Not on biblical grounds | Before God, the bond still holds. Marrying someone new would be adultery. | Yes—and this is the path Paul points to. The only choices are to stay single or to reconcile. | Mark 10:11–12; 1 Corinthians 7:11 |
The road splits in two, but both branches arrive at the same place.
WHAT THE WESTMINSTER CONFESSION SAYS
The Westminster Confession of Faith (1646), a summary of Bible teaching still used by many churches, says:
‘Nothing but adultery, or such wilful desertion as can no way be remedied by the Church, or civil magistrate, is cause sufficient of dissolving the bond of marriage.’ (24.6)
It also says that, after such a divorce, the innocent person may ‘marry another, as if the offending party were dead’ (24.5).
Why this matters: if the innocent person is free to marry anyone ‘in the Lord’, nothing stops them choosing the very person they once married.
Even teachers with the strictest views agree. John Piper, an American pastor who believes that marrying someone new while your former spouse is alive is adultery, still sees going back to the first spouse as an open road.
The One Exception: Deuteronomy 24:1–4
Now to the strange law from the start. Moses tells a short story in four steps:
- Step 1—The first divorce. A man finds ‘some indecency’ in his wife, writes her a certificate of divorce and sends her away.
- Step 2—A second marriage. She ‘goes and becomes another man’s wife’.
- Step 3—The second marriage ends. The second husband divorces her, or he dies.
- Step 4—The ban. The first husband now wants her back. God says no.
…then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the LORD.
Deuteronomy 24:4 (ESV)
John Murray, the Scottish theologian who taught for many years at Westminster Theological Seminary, pointed out something important. Verses 1 to 3 are all ‘if’. Only verse 4 is ‘then’. Moses was not commanding or praising divorce. He was putting a fence around what could happen after it. The only real command in the passage is the ban in verse 4.
Now look at what sets off the ban. Not the divorce itself. Not the ‘indecency’. Not who was to blame. The trigger is step 2: a real marriage to another man. Take step 2 away, and the law has nothing to say. Moses’ careful wording suggests that, with no second marriage, a man could take his wife back.
Why would God forbid the return after a second marriage? Scholars have offered 2 main answers:
Why did God ban going back after a second marriage? Two answers
| SCHOLAR | MAIN IDEA | WHAT IT TEACHES US |
|---|---|---|
| Gordon Wenham, Old Testament scholar | Marriage joins a husband and wife as ‘one flesh’ (Genesis 2:24). This made the wife part of her husband’s family, almost as if they were related by blood. When she married a second man, she became one flesh with him too. So if the first husband took her back, it was seen as close to marrying a near relative, which God’s law forbade (Leviticus 18). | The ban comes from the way God designed marriage, not from old customs. So its lesson still matters today. |
| Raymond Westbrook, expert in ancient law | In Bible times, a man who divorced his wife usually had to let her leave with some money to live on. But if he said he found ‘some indecency’ (something shameful) in her, he could send her away with nothing. Later, her second marriage might end and leave her with money or property. The first husband might then want her back, not out of love but for what she now owned. God’s law stopped him using her twice: first by sending her away with nothing, then by taking her back for her money. | God protects the weak. A wife is a person to be loved, not property to be used. |
The two scholars disagree on the reason but agree on what matters for us: the problem is the second marriage. The strong words ‘defiled’ and ‘abomination’ tell us marriage isn’t a game of swapping partners and swapping back.
WHAT DOES AND DOESN’T TRIGGER THE BAN
Does NOT shut the door: living apart for years; bitter words during the divorce; who filed the papers; sexual sin by either spouse without a new marriage.
DOES shut the door: a real marriage to someone else after the divorce.
God Himself Takes Back an Unfaithful Bride
The prophets describe God as a husband and his people as his wife. Again and again, the wife runs away—and the husband goes after her.
- Hosea and Gomer. Hosea’s wife Gomer ran after other lovers. Yet God told him: ‘Go again, love a woman who is loved by another man and is an adulteress, even as the LORD loves the children of Israel’ (Hosea 3:1). Hosea even paid to bring her home (3:2). Her lovers were not husbands, so Deuteronomy 24 did not stand in his way.
- Jeremiah 3. God uses the language of divorce for Israel’s exile: ‘I had sent her away with a decree of divorce’ (3:8). Yet he calls out, ‘Return, faithless Israel… I will not look on you in anger, for I am merciful’ (3:12).
- Isaiah 50. God asks, ‘Where is your mother’s certificate of divorce, with which I sent her away?’ (50:1). The separation was real, but it was not the end of the story.
Raymond C. Ortlund Jr., a pastor who wrote a whole book on God’s unfaithful wife, shows this theme runs from Genesis to Revelation: God keeps loving a wife who keeps leaving. The story ends not with a divorce, but with a wedding (Revelation 19:7).
CAREFUL: JEREMIAH 3 ISN’T A LOOPHOLE
Some people say: ‘God took Israel back after she went with other lovers, so Deuteronomy 24 no longer matters.’ But read Jeremiah 3:1 closely. The prophet quotes the law to show how amazing God’s grace is—not to cancel the law.
God’s return to Israel is the rescue work of a Saviour, not a pattern for us to break His rules. And Israel’s ‘lovers’ were idols, not lawful husbands.
Why Going Back Fits the Gospel
The gospel is the good news that God brings sinners back to Himself through Jesus. A couple who come back together act out a small picture of that story.
- Marriage pictures Christ and the church. Paul says husbands should love their wives ‘as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her’ (Ephesians 5:25). Christ never divorces his bride.
- We are given a ministry of reconciliation. God ‘through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation’ (2 Corinthians 5:18).
- Forgiveness is the family likeness. ‘Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you’ (Ephesians 4:32).
So when a divorced couple rebuilds their marriage, it isn’t a step backwards. It can be one of the most beautiful pictures of grace a church will ever see.
The Hard Case: What If One of You Married Someone Else?
Here Christians disagree. Suppose your former spouse married someone else, and that marriage has now ended. May you marry each other again?
We believe the wiser and safer path is not to go back, even if the second marriage ended by death or divorce. Here is why:
- The reason is moral, not just legal. Moses grounds the ban in being ‘defiled’ and in what is an ‘abomination before the LORD’. These words are about holiness and about ‘one flesh’—not about Israel’s money rules or farmland.
- The prophets still treated it as true. Centuries after Moses, Jeremiah could simply ask, ‘Will he return to her? Would not that land be greatly polluted?’ (Jeremiah 3:1). He expected everyone to know the answer.
- Jesus raised the standard; He did not lower it. Jesus called people back to God’s plan ‘from the beginning’ (Matthew 19:8). Nothing in His teaching loosens Deuteronomy 24.
- The ‘general equity’ still applies. The Westminster Confession says Israel’s civil laws ‘expired together with the State of that people; not obliging any other now, further than the general equity thereof may require’ (19.4). ‘General equity’ means the fair, moral principle inside a law. The holiness of marriage is exactly that kind of principle.
To be fair, some Bible teachers believe Deuteronomy 24 was only Israel’s civil law and ended with it. Christians can disagree here with kindness. But when we’re unsure whether something is allowed, the safer road is the one that cannot be sin: ‘whatever does not proceed from faith is sin’ (Romans 14:23).
ONE RULE EVERYONE AGREES ON
If you’re married now, stay married. Never divorce your present husband or wife to go back to a former one.
Paul says, ‘Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him’ (1 Corinthians 7:17). Deuteronomy 24 itself treats the second marriage as a real marriage—not a mistake to be undone. Breaking it would add a new sin to an old one.
Four Common Objections, Answered
Objections people raise about remarrying a former spouse—and short answers from Scripture
| OBJECTION | SHORT ANSWER |
|---|---|
| ‘Divorce is final. Going back is weakness.’ | Divorce was never God’s goal (Matthew 19:8). Moving back towards His design isn’t weakness—it’s obedience. |
| ‘Taking back the guilty spouse rewards their sin.’ | Forgiveness isn’t a prize for sin; it’s a gift to the one who repents (Luke 17:3). Real repentance, shown over time, comes first. |
| ‘God broke Deuteronomy 24 in Jeremiah 3, so we can too.’ | Jeremiah uses the law to show God’s surprising grace, not to cancel it. And Israel’s lovers were idols, not lawful husbands. |
| ‘Old Testament laws don’t apply to Christians.’ | Then the freedom to go back stands even more firmly, because Paul gives it in 1 Corinthians 7:11. The only debate is about the exception. |
Before You Say ‘I Do’ Again
If you’re thinking about coming back together, here are some wise first steps:
- Name what broke. Be honest about what led to the divorce. Talk it through together.
- Look for fruit, not just feelings. Feelings can return in an evening. Changed habits take months.
- Forgive fully. If you go back, you cannot keep the old sin as a weapon for the next argument. Forgive ‘as God in Christ forgave you’.
- Think about the children. They may feel hope and fear at once. Be patient with their questions.
- Go slowly and pray. Ask God for wisdom (James 1:5), and let Him set the pace.
A Door That Stays Open
So, can divorced couples remarry each other? In most cases, yes. Whether the divorce was on biblical grounds or not, the road back to each other is open.
There’s one exception. If one of you has married someone else, God’s law warns against going back. Not because God is harsh, but because He takes ‘one flesh’ far more seriously than we do.
Remember the strange law we started with? It isn’t so strange after all. It shows marriage is holy and that only one thing truly shuts the door. For every other divorced couple, the door stays open. And on the other side stands a God who knows what it is to take back an unfaithful bride—and to love her anyway.
Tough Questions, Honest Answers
Do we need a new wedding ceremony and vows?
Yes. If your divorce was made legal, then in the eyes of the law and the church you’re no longer married, so you need to marry again properly. Marriage is a public covenant made before God and witnesses (Malachi 2:14), not a private arrangement. The ceremony can be small and simple, but the vows should be real and spoken out loud. Many couples find it helpful to include words of confession and forgiveness. A fresh start deserves a clear beginning.
Is it wrong to be physically intimate with my former spouse before we remarry?
Yes. Once a divorce is final, you’re not husband and wife in the eyes of the law or the church, so sex belongs after the new wedding. Hebrews 13:4 says, ‘Let marriage be held in honour among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled.’ Some argue that if the divorce was not on biblical grounds, they are ‘still married before God’. But Paul’s word is ‘be reconciled’ (1 Corinthians 7:11)—a real, public coming back, not a private grey area. Waiting also protects you: it gives you time to see whether the change is real.
Can I remarry my former spouse if he/she isn’t a Christian?
A believer is free to marry ‘only in the Lord’ (1 Corinthians 7:39), and Scripture warns against being ‘unequally yoked with unbelievers’ (2 Corinthians 6:14). Marrying your former spouse is still a new decision to enter marriage, so the same rule applies. This can be very painful, especially if you still love them. Pray for them, be kind to them, and wait for the Lord to work in their heart. If they come to faith, the door may open with great joy.
Should I remarry a former spouse who was abusive?
You’re never required to put yourself or your children in danger. God hates violence (Psalm 11:5), and many pastors today see serious abuse as a way of breaking the marriage covenant, much like desertion. Words of sorrow aren’t the same as repentance; people who abuse often say sorry quickly. Real change is shown over a long time and checked by people outside the relationship, such as pastors and trained counsellors. Safety must come first—grace never asks you to walk back into harm.
What if we divorced before either of us became Christians?
Marriage is a gift God gave to all people at creation, not only to believers, so your earlier marriage and divorce were real. Becoming a Christian brings full forgiveness for past sin (1 John 1:9), but it does not erase the facts of your history. So the same principles apply: if neither of you has married anyone else since, you are free to marry each other again ‘in the Lord’. Many couples find faith in Christ gives them what they lacked the first time—a shared foundation.
Am I obliged to take my former spouse back if he/she repents?
If you were divorced on biblical grounds—for example, because of your spouse’s adultery—you’re free to remarry them, but you’re not required to. Jesus allowed divorce in such cases (Matthew 19:9); He didn’t command a return. You must forgive from the heart (Matthew 6:14–15), but forgiveness isn’t the same as remarriage. Forgiveness cancels the debt; remarriage rebuilds trust, and that takes time and wisdom. Seek counsel, pray, and decide in freedom rather than out of guilt.
Should your church elders be involved?
Yes. Elders are given to watch over your souls (Hebrews 13:17), and a decision this big should not be made alone. They can help you test whether repentance is real, guide you through hard questions and pray with you. If the divorce involved church discipline, the elders will need to see the matter is properly closed. And when the day comes, they can help the whole church celebrate your new beginning with you.
Related Reads
- Grounds For Divorce: Does the Bible Affirm More Than Two?
- The Seventh Commandment: Why Does God Care About Adultery?
- Hosea & Gomer: Why God Commands a Prophet to Marry a Prostitute
- Leaving and Cleaving: What Genesis 2:24 Means for the Married
- 1 Corinthians 7:14: How Do Believers Sanctify Unbelieving Spouses?
- Unequally Yoked in Marriage: Recipe for Disaster?
- What Does It Mean That the Church Is the Bride of Christ?
- Saving a Hasty Marriage: God’s Perspective
